Politics & Other Mistakes (73)

Breaking the habit

Must fight the urge to write – once again! – about Paul LePage’s idiocy.   Must resist the compulsion to pile more derision on Maine’s beleaguered Republican governor and giant decaying puffball. Must turn my attention elsewhere, even if it hurts.   I’ll (gasp, wheeze) try.   But like the opioids imported into this state by Massachusetts and New York drug dealers of questionable ethnicity, making fun of LePage is horribly addictive. I can’t quit…

Damage report

Who still loves Paul LePage, Maine’s poutine-for-brains excuse for a governor?   Criminal defense lawyers, that’s who.   On Aug. 26, LePage handed every person of color arrested for drug offenses in this state a gold-plated get-out-of-jail-free card. A black or Hispanic dope peddler could be driving up the Maine Turnpike in a van with “United Heroin Service” printed on the side and speakers on the roof blaring the Tubes’ “White Punks On Dope,” and…

Staking out terrorists in Maine

I was keeping an eye out for terrorists. And what better place to do so than the tap room of a brewery on Lewiston’s Lisbon Street.   Also, I was watching for welfare cheats, since, according to Gov. Paul LePage, they’re much the same thing. After recent news reports revealed that an Iranian refugee who once lived in Maine had been killed in Lebanon last year while fighting for the Islamic State, LePage announced he…

Atlantic crossing

Right now, it’s the exact same time here in Maine as it is in Michigan, which is roughly a zillion miles away. That’s because both states are in the Eastern Time Zone, us at the extreme eastern edge and them at the far western boundary.   The reason two such disparate places (Detroit has Lions and Tigers, Maine has Black Bears) got lumped together in the same zone has more to do with politics than…

History repeats itself?

Don’t tune out just yet. This isn’t what you think.   He’s a brash outsider with negligible political skills and a penchant for offending potential voters. Upon first admitting his interest in elected office, he told a reporter, “I am strongly considering a run … only because in the last eight years, there’s been nobody [in power] that can count to 10. We need somebody that has some business background and financial acumen that can…

Hard cases

Last week, I presented my list of Maine’s wimpiest political figures. Now, it’s time for the tough stuff. Here are the state’s most unyielding electoral warriors, ranked by increasing degree of what I’ll politely call “intestinal fortitude.” 10. Roger Katz. A Republican state senator with the gall to declare Donald Trump “not fit to be president” and to publish a 2013 op-ed criticizing his own party’s governor. He said Paul LePage exhibited behavior “I have…

Spineless

Who are Maine’s toughest and wimpiest politicians?   To answer that question, I conducted a comprehensive survey (which involved sitting in my office, drinking beer and binge watching old episodes of “Mike Tyson Mysteries”). This highly scientific method of determining strength of character produced two definitive lists, which I’ll share with you this week and next.   First, the wimps. Here are the top 10, ranked by decreasing quantity of backbone.   10. Ken Fredette.…

(Not his) drug of choice

There’s methadone to Gov. Paul LePage’s madness. Bad puns aside (and I admit that one seems to make no sense, but bear with me), LePage has a valid point when he criticizes drug-abuse treatment programs that dispense methadone. Most of Maine’s nine dispensaries for this stuff are run by for-profit corporations that accomplish little more than switching their clients from one dangerous drug to another, while providing an ineffective level of the counseling required to…

Something wicked this way comes

True story: Several years ago, anti-gay activist Michael Heath posted an item on his blog saying that if he were ever elected governor, he’d hire me as his press secretary.  That’s when I realized Michael Heath is an idiot. Apparently, Heath thought I’d make a good spokesman for his hateful agenda because I’m blunt, and TV makes me look fat. Overweight obnoxious guys are always the best salespeople for bigotry.  Unfortunately for my employment prospects…

Corn mash

I’m puzzled by Republican Gov. Paul LePage’s sudden concern about the health effects of ethanol. Last month, LePage ordered the Maine Center for Disease Control and the state Department of Environmental Protection to study whether ethanol emissions are responsible for an assortment of ailments, including opioid addiction, post-traumatic stress disorder, asthma, higher crime rates, depression and Democratic House Speaker Mark Eves. One reason I’m puzzled is because LePage hates studies. For the past six years,…
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