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Politics & Other Mistakes (94)

Eat this

Rules suck. Just when you’re on the verge of have a little fun, along comes some authoritarian creep waving a rule book thicker than Paul LePage’s waistline that says you can’t legally purchase liquor for underage endangered species because that might cause them to increase the frequency of their urination into vernal pools, resulting in not only a sharp increase in water pollution, but also higher levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, leading to…

Tea and Trumpettes

Are you male? White? Angry? I’ve got just the political candidate for you. And his name isn’t Donald Trump. Here’s a little taste from his website: “Right now the white flag is up and the welcome mat for terrorists is out. … America is getting bullied and the world and our country has become a dangerous place. This has got to stop! We need to get smart and we need to get tough. We need…

No cover, no minimum

Some people, mainly old coots, think there’s nothing more entertaining than listening to other old coots complaining about how tough things were in their younger days, and how easy today’s spoiled brats have it. Whatever “it” is. If you think about it (not that “it,” another “it”), there are actually many more pleasant ways to waste time than enduring the caterwauling of coots, including passing a kidney stone, presidential debates and recent Adam Sandler movies.…

Greetings from the welfare state

When it comes to welfare, Mainers have three different philosophies. Republicans believe giving taxpayer money to those in need to cover the costs of life’s necessities encourages dependency, engenders fraud and creates Democrats. To the extent such programs must exist, they should be oppressively monitored, severely limited in their coverage and expire faster than Carly Fiorina’s presidential campaign. Democrats believe most people who fall into poverty do so through no fault of their own and…

Primary colors

Once again, Maine has demonstrated that when it comes to presidential politics, this state is only slightly more critical to the outcome than such American territories as Palmyra Atoll (year-round population of zero) or Bajo Nuevo Bank (which is run by Columbia, but claimed by the United States, because it’s a major source of guano). On an otherwise lovely March weekend, Ted (Booger-Eater) Cruz won a plurality of votes in Maine’s Republican caucuses, which were…

What you don’t know

POLITICS & OTHER MISTAKES _by Al Diamon Let’s discuss Ethan Strimling’s sex life. But before we do, allow me to explain. Because this column is supposed to be a serious journalistic enterprise, I’m obligated to place the mayor of Portland’s amorous activities in some sort of context, thereby making it appear I’m engaged in the analysis of something more significant than sleazy gossip. Oddly enough, I am. To prove this essay is about a matter…

Watching the dark

Several years ago, my wife and I and some friends had brunch with a Muslim man and his wife. I had questions for this guy, but he and his spouse had just had a baby, and that’s all they wanted to talk about. Diaper rash and 2 a.m. feedings dominated not only the conversation, but also colored my stereotypical view of Muslims. Followers of Islam make boring brunch companions. They can, however, be entertaining in…

What a waste

Let’s try to set aside all this anger, profanity, racism, sexism, misinformation and political posturing. In other words, let’s not discuss Paul LePage, governor, self-appointed education commissioner and giant bedbug infestation. Instead, let’s turn our attention to a matter of significance to every Maine taxpayer, namely how much money state government is wasting in trying to do whatever it is state government is supposed to be doing. Surely, on this topic, we can find common…

Ramblin’ gamblin’ man

Free Shawn Scott.I mean that metaphorically, of course, since Scott, a Las Vegas gambling developer, isn’t currently incarcerated. My call for his liberation has less to do with shackles and chains and more to do with him being constrained by legalities in his effort to build a casino in York County. I admit that as a poster child for a leniency campaign, Scott leaves much to be desired. According to published reports, his past is littered with lawsuit – more than three dozen in an eight-year period – as well as…

The gentleman is a dope

POLITICS & OTHER MISTAKES_by Al DiamonNeo-Prohibitionists opposed to legalizing marijuana in Maine need not worry about coming up with a political strategy for defeating that initiative. The pro-pot crowd has done it for them.There’s little doubt that if the state’s voters were asked to decide a simple referendum question about whether adults should be able to indulge in cannabis-related activities for whatever purposes they chose, a sizable majority would permit them to do so. That…
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