The Port City Chronicle (41)

When You’re a Vegetarian But That’s Not to Say You Don’t Eat Meat

Knock knock. Who’s there? Global warming, motherfucker. “Don’t say that, this is a family march,” Angela said to Ethan, as we headed to DC on a bus for the Peoples Climate March. Halfway through the unending ride, a man in one of the seats in front of us had gotten a little excited and Ethan was joining in. “Shush,” the man’s wife said, looking around at the criticism. “Why? Am I in the library car?”…

Why Taxes Make You Drink

“You fill it out for once,” Ethan said, handing Angela back their tax returns without looking up from the ball game. “Why do I have to do everything.” That seemed a little unfair since in fact Angela is the one who does everything, like cooking, shopping, cleaning, and taking care of the kids, not to mention working. But taxes are more of an everything since they take a big effort all at once, usually the…

How Trump Gave Everybody PMS

  “I need to get my daughter Grace’s birth control pills a few weeks early,” I said to the pharmacist. “She’s going on her first business trip.” Then I realized that might sound bad. “Not because she’s going to have sex with a lot of strangers on her trip but just so she doesn’t have a sudden hormone imbalance by running out of pills.” But the pharmacist couldn’t have cared less about Grace’s hormones. He…

You Need the Right Gripe to Make the Right Whine

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:   “Those guys are such naysayers,” Grace said. “I want to say to them don’t worry, something is going to go right.”   She’d just come home from another protest and had run into Ethan and Tim in the living room,…

When the Women’s March Almost Pushed Over the Washington Monument

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way: “Did you find that sign on the ground?” Tim asked a sweet-looking, young blond woman marching near us with a sign saying “Never fuck a Republican” — except that on the sign it was spelled out, “I’m having trouble reconciling your…

How Trump Will Get Rid of the Environment

“First I went to the assignment without my phone, my notebooks, or a pen,” Tim said. “Basically I went out naked.”   He was having a lot of trouble adjusting to Trump, even more than the rest of us for some reason.   “Then I got in an accident on my bike. My wrist still hurts in fact.”   He examined his left arm.   “I’ll have to take your word for it,” Charles said.…

The Port City Chronicle

Here’s the next set of episodes of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:   When You Feel So At Home in America You Say Whatever You Want       “You can cross,” Tim said, pointing to the lit-up stick figure in the “Walk” sign at 42nd and Park. “We have the white…

When you feel so at home in America you say whatever you want

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:     “You can cross,” Tim said, pointing to the lit-up stick figure in the “Walk” sign at 42nd and Park. “We have the white man.”     Angela took Marcus’ hand protectively. She was less worried about cars than about more insidious…

When your biggest problem is you weren’t nursed long enough

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way: “Would you be both husband and mother to me now that my mother has dementia?” Angela asked Ethan. Her mother had recently moved into assisted living.     “Yes I will,” Ethan said, without taking his eyes off the tv. “But now…

When thinking you’re cool is just a false positive

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:     ‘“Supermodel, high IQ, rich, witty and fun.’” Tim was trolling on match.com. “What do you think?”     “Not a good fit for you,” Ethan said.     They were at the kitchen table relaxing before dinner. But Angela didn’t view it…
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