The Port City Chronicle (39)

How Trump Gave Everybody PMS

  “I need to get my daughter Grace’s birth control pills a few weeks early,” I said to the pharmacist. “She’s going on her first business trip.” Then I realized that might sound bad. “Not because she’s going to have sex with a lot of strangers on her trip but just so she doesn’t have a sudden hormone imbalance by running out of pills.” But the pharmacist couldn’t have cared less about Grace’s hormones. He…

You Need the Right Gripe to Make the Right Whine

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:   “Those guys are such naysayers,” Grace said. “I want to say to them don’t worry, something is going to go right.”   She’d just come home from another protest and had run into Ethan and Tim in the living room,…

When the Women’s March Almost Pushed Over the Washington Monument

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way: “Did you find that sign on the ground?” Tim asked a sweet-looking, young blond woman marching near us with a sign saying “Never fuck a Republican” — except that on the sign it was spelled out, “I’m having trouble reconciling your…

How Trump Will Get Rid of the Environment

“First I went to the assignment without my phone, my notebooks, or a pen,” Tim said. “Basically I went out naked.”   He was having a lot of trouble adjusting to Trump, even more than the rest of us for some reason.   “Then I got in an accident on my bike. My wrist still hurts in fact.”   He examined his left arm.   “I’ll have to take your word for it,” Charles said.…

The Port City Chronicle

Here’s the next set of episodes of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:   When You Feel So At Home in America You Say Whatever You Want       “You can cross,” Tim said, pointing to the lit-up stick figure in the “Walk” sign at 42nd and Park. “We have the white…

When you feel so at home in America you say whatever you want

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:     “You can cross,” Tim said, pointing to the lit-up stick figure in the “Walk” sign at 42nd and Park. “We have the white man.”     Angela took Marcus’ hand protectively. She was less worried about cars than about more insidious…

When your biggest problem is you weren’t nursed long enough

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way: “Would you be both husband and mother to me now that my mother has dementia?” Angela asked Ethan. Her mother had recently moved into assisted living.     “Yes I will,” Ethan said, without taking his eyes off the tv. “But now…

When thinking you’re cool is just a false positive

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:     ‘“Supermodel, high IQ, rich, witty and fun.’” Tim was trolling on match.com. “What do you think?”     “Not a good fit for you,” Ethan said.     They were at the kitchen table relaxing before dinner. But Angela didn’t view it…

The unified theory of what’s wrong With America

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:       “Can someone help me?” Ethan was lugging a cooler down to the beach at night.     “What do you have in there?” Angela asked.     “A 12 pack.”     “You brought a 12 pack for yourself? That’s all on…

When you’re most interested in extremely local news, like people's private business

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:       “I love those sneakers,” Tim said as we ran into Milagros jogging along the East Prom trail. “How much do they cost?”     “I’m not sure because they were given to me as a gift by this guy I…
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