Call me old-fashioned, but when it comes to consuming cannabis, I’m perfectly satisfied with a simple, tightly rolled joint. Clean bowls/pipes are nice too. Much of everything else — gravity bongs, CBD oil vaporizers, crazy edibles, and water-soluble THC capsules — seems a bit excessive. After all, I’m usually just trying to make a book or movie more interesting with a delicate buzz, not blast myself to the point where I’m sinking into the couch with drool hanging out my mouth.
But naturally, there are many different kinds of cannabis users. And it seems that the free market, as it typically does, has catered to just about every type of stoner out there. Many consider this a good thing, and admittedly I too am consistently amazed by the creativity of some products emerging from the cannabis market, but I often ask myself: does the world really need this? Adding to the weirdness of it all is the fact that some Americans out there are making money off of something like cannabis body butter, while 500,000 others are arrested each year for possessing essentially the same thing, but in plant form.
Despite the inequalities, and decadent nature present in some aspects of the cannabis market today, I’ve accepted the fact that it’s society’s growing hunger for products, however superfluous, that fuels this market of oddities. Yet I still wonder, which of these bemusing products I’ve featured below, tempts you to purchase?
The Cereal Bowl Water Pipe Hybrid Nobody Asked For
Taking the phrase “wake-n-bake” a little too seriously, one glassblower out of Washington created a bong that doubles as a cereal bowl, and sells them now at $90 each.
Admittedly, it looks functional and expertly made, but I must ask: who asked for this? Who out there has poured their cereal in the morning and lamented that they couldn’t take a hit of cannabis in between spoonfuls? Besides, at a 2 cup capacity, the creator of the cereal bong clearly underestimated the appetites of its potential buyers.
But my biggest gripe with this piece is how hard it must be to clean properly. Seriously, who’s going to want to eat their breakfast out of glassware that’s smelly and caked in dark weed resin?
The Completely Unnecessary iRollie OG2 Phone Case
The creator of the iRollie G2 wanted to make a discreet way to store his stash and roll joints on the go, but all he really accomplished was making his phone twice as hard to fit in his pocket. This clunky piece of cheap plastic is selling for $49 online right now.
Featuring a mini rolling tray, a smell-proof storage compartment, and a hole to funnel loose flowers into, the iRollieG2 snaps onto the back of your phone ensuring everything you need to get high is right in your pocket.
But I gotta ask, can’t it just wait until you get home?
Or at the very least, if you truly need to spark up at a moment’s notice, pack a dugout like the rest of us.
Marijuana Scented Candles Are Silly, Right?
Perhaps I’m just humorless and marijuana-scented candles would actually make a great gag gift, but I don’t see the appeal.
These ones from Celebrescents are going for $15 each on Amazon and promise to fill the room with the skunky aroma of freshly ground herbs. If you’re the type of person that would buy this, I doubt your house is void of that particular smell anyway.
Strange But Probably Awesome: Cannabis Sex Oil
As a male who can’t experience the potent sensation of what’s called the “weed butter vagina experience,” I’m not about to shame it for existing. After all, when applied topically to sensitive areas, cannabis oil can double as a medicine, dulling pain and relaxing muscles. But a highly raved about cannabis sex oil by Foria makes it on this list anyway for being downright unusual.
Marketed as a natural lubricant and aphrodisiac, this oil allegedly heightens arousal and leaves one with a body high before and after orgasm, because apparently sex without cannabinoids is a bit subpar.
For Saltier Munchies: Marijuana Beef Jerky
It’s been common knowledge for decades that you can make a marijuana derivative of anything that requires butter/fat/oil in the cooking process. But seriously, just because you can make something, doesn’t mean you should.
Nevertheless, the Badfish Company’s marijuana-infused beef jerky, aptly called “Reef Jerky,” has been a popular item since it launched in 2014.
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