The Port City Chronicle (45)

The unified theory of what’s wrong With America

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:       “Can someone help me?” Ethan was lugging a cooler down to the beach at night.     “What do you have in there?” Angela asked.     “A 12 pack.”     “You brought a 12 pack for yourself? That’s all on…

When you’re most interested in extremely local news, like people's private business

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:       “I love those sneakers,” Tim said as we ran into Milagros jogging along the East Prom trail. “How much do they cost?”     “I’m not sure because they were given to me as a gift by this guy I…

When there’s no place to go but a couple of meth and burger joints

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:       “And what’s your family’s ethnicity?” my mother asked Dale, trying to make conversation at our first family dinner with Grace for the summer. June and Dale had driven back with her from college and noticed our Norwegian neighbor still…

Why corporate lawyer is the worst possible insult in an ashram

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:       “So can you come in Saturday and get this brief done?” Howard asked Kevin. It was less a question than a take-out order. “The client has some time to look at it on Sunday.”     Kevin was distractedly unwrapping…

When it's always a dull moment

  Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way: “Chicken never gets up on the furniture in your house?” Nicole asked Marcus. She was sitting on the floor of the living room petting our cat Chicken since Marcus is too old to be shown affection any more. Not that…

Why the worst fashion faux pas is when everything is tucked Into your underwear

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:         “I’ll tell you a secret,” the postal clerk said to Tim, as he was mailing his taxes. “You don’t have to send this by certified mail. It’s the one piece of mail that always gets delivered. You don’t…

When you’re multitasking but you’re only doing one thing

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:     “It’s 9. I’m going to bed,” Tim said. Since Milagros split up with him he’d been going to bed earlier and earlier, probably trying to make up for never actually sleeping.     “Now?” Charles said. “Do you realize the museum…

Why sometimes you have to throw up a hair ball

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:   “Do you think in your next life you’re going to cook more?” Angela asked Ethan, while he sat at the kitchen table texting and not helping. But Ethan wasn’t interested in hearing from protesters. “Actually, I’m probably going to cook…

When you view your mortgage as a third child

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way: “The client doesn’t want a big, long memo,” I said to Howard. “He just wants bullet points.” He shook his head. “Tell him I don’t do bullet points. I’m not a vending machine you can put quarters in.” For once I…

When your motto is make it till you fake it

Here’s this week’s episode of The Port City Chronicle, the continuing serial novel of Gretchen, a 46-year-old criminal defense lawyer, and her family and friends, seeking love and happiness in Portland the hard way:“Miller’s going to give you your review this year,” my boss Howard said. “He has nobody else to review and it makes him feel bad.”
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