Politics & Other Mistakes: Impolite observations

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A random collection of (well-deserved) insults:

Many political observers are saying Democrat Ross LaJeunnesse of Biddeford stands no chance in Maine’s U.S. Senate race because he’s unknown and declared his candidacy too late. They seem to forget that LaJeunnesse is a former Google executive. That means he already knows how you’re going to vote. Come to think of it, he also must have known I was going to write this.

Speaking of the Senate race, the Boston Globe had a fascinating piece on that contest a couple of weeks ago – if by fascinating you mean not particularly connected to reality. The Globe cited a Public Policy Polling survey conducted in October that indicated Sen. Susan Collins could face a severe backlash from Republicans if she votes to convict the Odious Orange Oil Slick of high crimes and misdemeanors.

According to the Boston paper, the poll indicates Collins would lose a GOP primary to Shawn Moody. Moody, twice an unsuccessful candidate for governor, repeatedly demonstrated during his campaigns an amusing lack of knowledge about important issues facing the state. We can only assume his grasp of complex federal controversies is as tenuous as the Globe’s understanding of Maine politics. It wouldn’t surprise me if Moody thinks Ukraine is that state out west that Mitt Romney calls home.

Speaking of delusions, Eric Brakey, a Republican candidate for the 2nd Congressional District, has more than his fair share. Brakey’s latest attempt to emigrate from reality was reported by the Lewiston Sun Journal, which noted his many social media posts claiming Russian meddling in the last presidential election was inconsequential compared to the role of U.S. intelligence agencies, such as the FBI and CIA.

In the Brakey universe, Putin’s efforts to boost the Extremely Stable Genius had no impact, while the spy guys’ behind-the-scenes maneuvering on behalf of Hillary Clinton caused major disruptions. “(L)eaders of these unelected intelligence agencies (in other countries we would call them ‘secret police’) aren’t even hiding their belief that they should be unaccountable to our elected officials,” one Brakey post said.

Setting aside the fact that Republicans and Democrats in Congress concluded Russian interference was both real and dangerous, Brakey’s evidence of covert collusion is mostly stuff that either happened after the election, had no connection with voting or never occurred. But what’s most fascinating about his hallucinations is that Brakey seems unaware that the candidate these intelligence operatives were attempting to aid ended up losing. In the unlikely event Brakey makes it to Washington, he should definitely launch an investigation into all that incompetence.

Speaking of people whose political careers are circling the drain, Ethan Strimling, who went down to defeat earlier this month in his bid for a second term as mayor of Portland, is far too egotistical to let a little thing like his ignominious third-place finish discourage him from again seeking public office. Trouble is, Strimling has alienated such a large portion of the electorate in his hometown with his power-hungry and divisive style that he’s unlikely to ever win another election there.

Where, oh, where can a fellow who doesn’t play well with anybody except those who share his extreme political views go to have a shot at grabbing a position of power? Well, North Korea is always an option. But if Strimling wants a spot closer to home, there’s a city in Maine where they love caustic, confrontational, semi-irrational mayors. Paul (Kiss My Butt) LePage held that post before he moved on to the governorship. Nick (I Love Columbus) Isgro is the current occupant. Both are rabid right-wingers, while Strimling is an ultra-lefty. But in Waterville it’s not so much which end of the ideological spectrum you embrace (the mayor between LePage and Isgro was a solid liberal) and more about being further out on the fringes than anybody else. Strimling should make immediate plans to relocate.

My work for this week is done. At least, that’s what Google is saying.

If I missed an obvious candidate for snark, email me at [email protected].

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